An archaeologist was exploring an ancient underground chamber when he discovered a huge stone door. His assistant became excited. “Do you think there could be treasure behind it?” “Possibly,” said the archaeologist. They spent hours carefully clearing the stones around the entrance. Finally, they pushed the giant door open. Everyone stared inside. There was nothing….

The wedding photographer was taking pictures of a nervous groom. “Relax,” she said. “Just act natural.” The groom nodded. “Okay.” “Perfect. Now smile.” He smiled. “Not that smile. Give me a natural smile.” He tried again. “Better. Now put your arm around your bride.” He did. “Wonderful! Now look lovingly into her eyes.” The groom…

An astronomer invited his friends over to show off his brand-new telescope. Everyone gathered outside, excited to see the stars. He carefully adjusted the lens and announced, “Tonight, you’re going to see Jupiter.” His cousin looked through it. “Wow! I can actually see Jupiter!” The astronomer smiled proudly. Then his wife looked through the telescope….

A librarian watched a man borrow a book. Thirty seconds later, he returned it. She looked confused. “You’re returning it already?” “Yes.” “You haven’t even opened it.” “I know.” “Then why did you borrow it?” The man pointed at the title: How to Make Better Decisions. The librarian smiled. “Did you decide you don’t need…

A guest walked into the hotel restaurant. “Chef, can you make my breakfast special?” The chef smiled. “Of course.” A few minutes later, the chef served two eggs, toast, and coffee. The guest looked disappointed. “That’s my normal breakfast.” The chef nodded. “Yes.” “So what’s special about it?” The chef pointed at the plate. “Normally,…

The judge looked at the defendant. “You are accused of stealing a bicycle.” The man nodded. “Yes, Your Honor.” The courtroom became quiet. The judge raised an eyebrow. “You admit it?” “Yes.” “Why?” The man sighed. “I really needed a bicycle.” The judge leaned forward. “Why didn’t you buy one?” “I had no money.” “Why…

A farmer bought a rooster famous for waking the whole neighborhood. The next morning, nothing happened. No crowing. No noise. Nothing. The farmer waited. Finally, at noon, the rooster screamed, “COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!” The farmer ran outside. “What took you so long?” The rooster looked at him proudly. “Everyone was sleeping.” “That’s why you’re supposed to wake…

A waiter placed a plate in front of a customer. “Your steak, sir.” The customer stared at it. “I didn’t order steak.” The waiter froze. “I’m terribly sorry.” The customer picked up his fork. “Don’t worry.” “But this isn’t your order.” “I know.” The waiter looked confused. “Then why are you eating it?” The customer…

A dentist examined a patient and frowned. “How long has this tooth been hurting?” “About a week.” “Did you eat anything hard?” “No.” “Something extremely cold?” “No.” “Something extremely hot?” “No.” The dentist looked confused. “Then what happened?” The patient whispered, “I accidentally bit my own tongue.” The dentist paused. “Your tongue?” “Yes.” “And now…

An astronaut called the space station control room. “Houston, we have a problem.” The engineer immediately became serious. “What happened?” “My coffee is floating away.” “That’s normal in zero gravity.” “I know.” “So what’s the problem?” The astronaut sighed. “It’s decaf.” The engineer paused. “That’s the emergency?” “Absolutely.” “You have oxygen, electricity, communication…” “And decaf.”…