A librarian watched a man borrow a book. Thirty seconds later, he returned it. She looked confused. “You’re returning it already?” “Yes.” “You haven’t even opened it.” “I know.” “Then why did you borrow it?” The man pointed at the title: How to Make Better Decisions. The librarian smiled. “Did you decide you don’t need…

A guest walked into the hotel restaurant. “Chef, can you make my breakfast special?” The chef smiled. “Of course.” A few minutes later, the chef served two eggs, toast, and coffee. The guest looked disappointed. “That’s my normal breakfast.” The chef nodded. “Yes.” “So what’s special about it?” The chef pointed at the plate. “Normally,…

The judge looked at the defendant. “You are accused of stealing a bicycle.” The man nodded. “Yes, Your Honor.” The courtroom became quiet. The judge raised an eyebrow. “You admit it?” “Yes.” “Why?” The man sighed. “I really needed a bicycle.” The judge leaned forward. “Why didn’t you buy one?” “I had no money.” “Why…

A farmer bought a rooster famous for waking the whole neighborhood. The next morning, nothing happened. No crowing. No noise. Nothing. The farmer waited. Finally, at noon, the rooster screamed, “COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!” The farmer ran outside. “What took you so long?” The rooster looked at him proudly. “Everyone was sleeping.” “That’s why you’re supposed to wake…

A waiter placed a plate in front of a customer. “Your steak, sir.” The customer stared at it. “I didn’t order steak.” The waiter froze. “I’m terribly sorry.” The customer picked up his fork. “Don’t worry.” “But this isn’t your order.” “I know.” The waiter looked confused. “Then why are you eating it?” The customer…

A dentist examined a patient and frowned. “How long has this tooth been hurting?” “About a week.” “Did you eat anything hard?” “No.” “Something extremely cold?” “No.” “Something extremely hot?” “No.” The dentist looked confused. “Then what happened?” The patient whispered, “I accidentally bit my own tongue.” The dentist paused. “Your tongue?” “Yes.” “And now…

An astronaut called the space station control room. “Houston, we have a problem.” The engineer immediately became serious. “What happened?” “My coffee is floating away.” “That’s normal in zero gravity.” “I know.” “So what’s the problem?” The astronaut sighed. “It’s decaf.” The engineer paused. “That’s the emergency?” “Absolutely.” “You have oxygen, electricity, communication…” “And decaf.”…

A farmer bought a rooster famous for waking everyone at sunrise. The next morning… Nothing. The farmer waited. Still nothing. At noon, he found the rooster sleeping. “You had ONE job!” The rooster opened one eye. “Relax.” The farmer froze. “You can talk?!” “Obviously.” “Then why aren’t you crowing?” The rooster stretched. “Because I’m on…

A detective was questioning a suspicious man. “Where were you last night?” “At home.” “Anyone with you?” “No.” “So you were alone?” “Yes.” The detective leaned forward. “Can anyone confirm that?” The man thought carefully. “No.” The detective smiled. “Then you have no alibi.” The man nodded. “Correct.” The detective raised an eyebrow. “You’re not…

A customer finished his dinner and called the chef over. “That was delicious!” The chef smiled. “Thank you.” “I’d like dessert.” “Of course.” “What do you recommend?” “Our chocolate cake.” “How big is it?” The chef held up his hands. “About this big.” The customer nodded. “Perfect. I’ll take two.” The chef smiled. “Two slices?”…