The auctioneer held up an old wooden chair. “Who’ll start me at $20?” A man shouted, “$20!” “$30?” “$30!” “$40?” Suddenly, a woman in the back shouted, “$100!” Everyone turned around. The auctioneer looked excited. “$100! Do I hear $110?” The woman yelled, “No! I said my husband is $100 in debt!” The auctioneer froze….

A man visited a pet store. The owner said, “This parrot is incredibly intelligent.” The man asked, “How intelligent?” “It can speak five languages.” The man was impressed. “What does it say?” The owner turned to the parrot. “Hello!” The parrot said nothing. The owner tried again. “Good morning!” Nothing. The man looked at him….

The restaurant kitchen was in chaos. The chef shouted, “WHO TOOK MY SPOON?” Everyone stopped. A waiter raised his hand. “I used it.” The chef stared at him. “For what?” “To taste the soup.” “Then where is it?” “In the sink.” The chef rushed over. “No!” Everyone looked confused. “What?” The chef pointed at the…

A passenger called the flight attendant. “Excuse me, there’s something wrong with my seat.” The attendant came over. “What’s the problem?” “My seat won’t recline.” She checked it. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” The passenger sighed. “I paid for this seat.” “I understand.” “I want compensation.” The attendant nodded. “Would you like another seat?” “No.” “Would…

A librarian spotted a man talking on his phone inside the library. She walked over and whispered, “Sir, this is a library.” The man whispered back, “I’m sorry.” She nodded. “Thank you.” He continued his phone call. “YES, I’LL CALL YOU BACK!” The librarian jumped. “Sir!” He looked confused. “What?” “You need to be quiet.”…

At a children’s party, the magician announced, “Who wants to see something disappear?” Everyone shouted, “ME!” He pulled a coin from his pocket. “Watch carefully.” He covered it with his hand. “One, two, three!” He opened his hand. The coin was gone. The kids cheered. Then one little boy raised his hand. “I can do…

A man called the hotel front desk at midnight. “There’s something wrong with my room.” The receptionist asked, “What’s the problem, sir?” “It’s too quiet.” She paused. “Too quiet?” “Yes. I can’t sleep.” “Would you like us to send someone up?” “Absolutely.” A few minutes later, a hotel employee knocked on the door. “How can…

A customer called the pizza shop. “There’s a problem with my pizza.” The employee asked, “What’s wrong?” “It’s round.” There was silence. “Sir… pizzas are usually round.” “I know.” “So what’s the problem?” “It’s too round.” The employee was confused. “How can a pizza be too round?” “I don’t know, but this one is suspicious.”…

The classroom was completely silent during the exam. The teacher walked between the desks and suddenly stopped. One student was fast asleep. She tapped his desk. “Wake up!” He opened one eye. “Finished?” “No! You’re taking a test!” He looked at the paper. “How much time is left?” “Twenty minutes.” He nodded. “Perfect.” “Perfect?!” He…

A customer sat down at a restaurant. The waitress smiled. “Can I get you something to drink?” “Water.” “Still or sparkling?” He thought carefully. “Surprise me.” She brought sparkling water. He took one sip and frowned. “This water is angry.” The waitress blinked. “Angry?” “It keeps attacking my tongue.” She tried not to laugh. “It’s…