A lawyer called his first witness. “Do you know the defendant?” “Yes.” “How long have you known him?” “About ten years.” “Would you say he’s an honest man?” The witness nodded. “Absolutely.” The lawyer smiled. “Thank you.” Then the opposing lawyer stood up. “You say he’s honest?” “Yes.” “Have you ever caught him lying?” The…

At 2 a.m., a hotel guest called reception. “There’s a huge problem with my room.” The receptionist sat up. “What’s wrong?” “The moon is shining directly through my window!” She paused. “Sir, I’m afraid we can’t control the moon.” “I don’t expect you to control it.” “Good.” “I just want a room where it isn’t…

The chef walked into the kitchen. “Dinner is ready!” Everyone cheered. A waiter rushed in. “Chef, there’s a problem.” “What?” “The customer says the soup is cold.” The chef tasted it. “It’s supposed to be cold.” The waiter looked confused. “Why?” “Because it’s gazpacho.” The waiter nodded. “Right.” He went back to the customer. A…

A hotel guest called reception. “Could you send someone to my room?” The bellboy arrived. “How can I help?” The guest pointed at the closet. “There’s a ghost in there.” The bellboy opened the closet. Nothing. He checked behind the clothes. Nothing. “Sir, there’s no ghost.” The guest looked relieved. “Thank goodness.” The bellboy smiled….

A fortune teller studied a man’s palm. She suddenly looked worried. The man became nervous. “What do you see?” She whispered, “Something terrible.” “What?” “You will lose a lot of money.” The man gasped. “When?” She looked at his palm again. “Very soon.” He grabbed his wallet. “How much?” She stared at him. “About $50.”…

A tour guide stood in front of a group and smiled. “Welcome! Today we’ll be exploring the oldest castle in the region.” Everyone followed him inside. He explained the history. “This castle was built in 1420.” A woman raised her hand. “Who built it?” “King Edward.” Another person asked, “How long did it take?” “Twenty…

At a restaurant, a waiter noticed a man staring angrily at his steak. “Is everything okay?” The man pointed at it. “This steak is tough.” The waiter apologized. “I’ll get you another one.” The man shook his head. “No.” “Would you like something else?” “No.” “Then what can I do?” The man leaned toward the…

The auctioneer held up an old wooden chair. “Who’ll start me at $20?” A man shouted, “$20!” “$30?” “$30!” “$40?” Suddenly, a woman in the back shouted, “$100!” Everyone turned around. The auctioneer looked excited. “$100! Do I hear $110?” The woman yelled, “No! I said my husband is $100 in debt!” The auctioneer froze….

A man visited a pet store. The owner said, “This parrot is incredibly intelligent.” The man asked, “How intelligent?” “It can speak five languages.” The man was impressed. “What does it say?” The owner turned to the parrot. “Hello!” The parrot said nothing. The owner tried again. “Good morning!” Nothing. The man looked at him….

The restaurant kitchen was in chaos. The chef shouted, “WHO TOOK MY SPOON?” Everyone stopped. A waiter raised his hand. “I used it.” The chef stared at him. “For what?” “To taste the soup.” “Then where is it?” “In the sink.” The chef rushed over. “No!” Everyone looked confused. “What?” The chef pointed at the…