My Friend Said He Could Talk to Animals

A fisherman returned home carrying an enormous empty bucket. His wife looked inside. “Where are the fish?” “Escaped.” She raised an eyebrow. “All of them?” “Every single one.” “How?” He sighed. “They were very clever.” She stared at the empty bucket. “How clever?” He sat down. “I caught one.” “Good.” “Then I put it in…

A doctor was checking a patient. “What do you normally eat?” The patient proudly replied, “Healthy food.” “Excellent. Give me an example.” “Pizza.” The doctor paused. “That’s not exactly healthy.” “I only eat vegetables on it.” “What vegetables?” “Peppers.” “Anything else?” “Cheese.” “Cheese isn’t a vegetable.” “I know.” “Then why did you mention it?” “Because…

A police officer pulled my grandpa over. “Sir, do you know why I stopped you?” Grandpa smiled. “Because I’m too handsome?” The officer laughed. “No, sir. You were driving 20 miles an hour.” Grandpa nodded proudly. “I was following the sign.” “What sign?” “The one that said 20.” The officer smiled. “Sir… that was Route…

Dad quietly opened the cookie jar. I caught him. “Mom said no cookies before dinner!” Dad froze. “I wasn’t eating one.” “Then what were you doing?” “I was checking if they were still fresh.” I looked at the cookie in his hand. “And?” He took a bite. “Yep. Still fresh.” Just then Mom walked in….

A customer finished his dinner and called the chef over. “That was delicious!” The chef smiled. “Thank you.” “I’d like dessert.” “Of course.” “What do you recommend?” “Our chocolate cake.” “How big is it?” The chef held up his hands. “About this big.” The customer nodded. “Perfect. I’ll take two.” The chef smiled. “Two slices?”…