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The old man looked around the funeral home. “Just checking prices.” The worker looked confused. “For who?” The old man pointed at himself. “Me.” The worker went quiet. The old man smiled. “What? I like to plan ahead.” The worker asked, “Do you want the cheapest option?” The old man shook his head. “No.” “I…
He took the parrot home and whispered, “I hide snacks under my bed.” The parrot said nothing. The man smiled. “Good bird.” Then he whispered, “I also told my wife I stopped eating at night.” The parrot stayed quiet. The next morning, his wife walked into the room. The parrot shouted, “CHECK UNDER THE BED!”…
Her coworker asked, “Why are you so happy?” Emma smiled. “I decided to stop caring about small problems.” “That’s healthy.” “Yes.” Then her phone slipped from her hand and fell on the floor. Emma froze. Her coworker slowly moved away. Emma picked up the phone. The screen was cracked. She took a deep breath and…
The trainer looked at him. “That depends. Do you work out?” “No.” “Do you eat healthy?” “No.” “Do you run?” “Only when someone says, ‘Last slice of pizza.’” The trainer sighed. “Then getting a six-pack will take a long time.” The man looked shocked. “Really?” The trainer nodded. The man smiled and said, “Fine. I’ll…
Her son came into the kitchen and saw the note. He stared at the cake. Then he stared at the note. A few minutes later, Mom came back. Half the cake was gone. She shouted, “Did you eat the cake?” Her son pointed at the note. “No.” Mom looked at the empty plate. “Then what…
The librarian walked past a shelf and saw a man sitting on the floor. “Sir, what are you doing?” The man whispered, “I’m hiding.” “From who?” “My wife.” The librarian looked confused. “Why would your wife be here?” The man pointed at a book. “She gave me this book and told me to read it.”…
An old man walked into the doctor’s office. “Doctor, I have one request.” The doctor smiled. “What is it?” “When I die, please don’t let my family cry too much.” The doctor looked surprised. “Why?” The old man smiled. “Because they never listened to me when I was alive.” The doctor laughed. “That’s a little…
The clock sat on the wall and spoke every hour. “It’s six o’clock.” The man smiled. “Thank you.” At seven, the clock spoke again. “It’s seven o’clock.” “Thanks, buddy.” At eight, the man heard the clock again. “It’s eight o’clock.” The man smiled. “You’re a good friend.” His sister looked at him. “You know it’s…
A man sat beside a statue in the park. After a few minutes, he said, “Life is hard, isn’t it?” The statue said nothing. The man nodded. “Exactly.” A woman walking by stopped and stared at him. “Sir, you know that’s a statue, right?” The man looked at it. “Of course.” “Then why are you…
Mom held up a sock during breakfast. “Whose is this?” Nobody answered. She looked at everyone. “I’ll ask again. Whose sock is this?” Her son looked confused. “Mom, why would anyone leave a sock in the kitchen?” Mom pointed at him. “That’s exactly what someone with a kitchen sock would say.” Her daughter started laughing….